The Sun The Moon The Stars, You Are

During a car ride this morning one of my best friends and I discussed the L word. You know the one. We discussed falling in and out of it, and the pain and joy it brings. The way it can collide two worlds, only to one day be replaced by a necessary distance.

The most difficult thing I’ve had to come to terms with recently is letting the one I loved go. More than that, I have had to ¬†find it in my own heart to know that someone else makes him happy now, and thats ok. That if I really ever loved him then his happiness is also mine. To actually feel this way, rather than just telling myself I feel this way, has been a challenge for my own heart.

Being in love and making a relationship work is tricky, because we all define it differently. For me, loving someone has always meant unconditional forgiveness. There is nothing that I can’t look past or work through when I love someone. My friend described her idea of love as unconditional selflessness. That she always puts the other before her, even if it means huge compromises on her behalf, where she struggles and he gains. I’m discovering that maybe the only way a relationship can work long term, is when both people have a similar idea of what love is, and how you treat the person you love.

Finally being single and having my life back to myself is a breath of fresh air. There is a rediscovering to be done, and a lot of time for self improvement. It’s nice to feel my identity apart from him reemerging, and to find myself thinking differently than I have in years. The gears are turning to a different rhythm. My heart is beating in a new pattern. For the first time in a very very long time my happiness is completely dependent upon myself and that is the most liberating feeling. I am living for me, and pursing what I want in life, with no restraints.

Recently, I’ve also had to come to terms with the fact that words will fail me. That I won’t always be able to tell someone how my heart feels. That sometimes the unobtainable is just that. An acceptance of missed timing in crossed paths. A letting go of imagined what ifs. But even then, there is beauty in missed opportunities. There is a space for a different type of relationship to blossom.

RED

We live in a beautiful world where color coats everything it touches. I appreciate all colors and the variation that exists, but there is something special about red. It has the power to ignite emotions. It demands your attention. It represents love as much as it does anger and rage. It’s a sexual color as much as it appears to radiate heat. Red tells you to stop as much as it represents speed. It’s a Christmas color and is associated with one of happiest times of the year as much as it is blood and gore. It’s red and it’s powerful.