Para Mi Corazon

 

Recently, I’ve been dwelling on a lost friendship, and more or less, self imposed heartache. I’ve been associating love with hurt and loss for such a long time, that until tonight I forgot that love stands alone. It is not meant to be wound so tightly with emotions that darken the soul. Love should be innocent, should be genuine. Love should be pleasurable. In missing him I’ve let love lost become a source of unconditional discomfort. Guilt has manifested itsself in countless dreams and apologies are useless and a waste of time. It became too often that I was telling someone I love that “I’m sorry.” While we make mistakes, love should never be this apologetic. I’ve been agry at love, because I wasnt able to show him how much I cared. I was angry and resentful towards relationships because I couldn’t act like an adult and commit to the one I wanted to be in. I couldn’t truly let my guard down in order for my own relationship to work. I kept weaving love with negative emotions and negative behavior as a way to protect myself from letting someone hurt me. And then, tonight, I was reminded of what love really is.  Of all the things I forgot. It’s respect. It’s honesty. It’s cherishing that person more than anything. It’s loving yourself fully so that you are able to love the other fully. It is trust. It is happiness. It is smiling because you know they’ll always be there for you. They are not just the person you love, but they are your rock. They are your gravity as much as they are the one who gets you high. They are your best friend. When I thought of love tonight, for the first time in a long time, it made me smile. The heart heals in the most remarkable ways.

 

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