BitterSweet

I heard recently that every time we say goodbye to someone a part of us temporarily dies. Please may this be false, since the past two weeks have been filled with one goodbye followed by another. Leaving Santa Cruz was hard enough. I knew I was saying goodbye to everyone there for a long time. Some of the most amazing people I spent the last two years with, and most importantly my brother, who I’ve never really lived apart from. Tomorrow morning I will be leaving San Diego, and not just San Diego, but the whole West Coast- everything that is familiar, comforting- everything that I call home and all that I love.

But I wanted this. I wanted to go to Washington DC and as much as I want to hold on to everything I know, I’m ready to let go. San Diego will always be here. Its time for me to explore.

Its the afternoon before I leave and still neither of my suitcases are full. How do you put everything you need into two bags? Minimalists have it easy.

It was about this time two years ago that I sat cross-legged on my bedroom floor, contemplating what to take to college with me. I remember thinking, how do I even begin to decide what comes with me and what stays. Two years later I find myself making the same choices, except this time I don’t have a car to fill. Just the two bags.

Maybe I’m stalling packing because a part of me isn’t ready to zip up and close the suitcases, therefore doing the same with my life here.

This time tomorrow I will be in Atlanta, Georgia, most likely tired of traveling, and tired of waiting to get on my next flight. By 7 p.m. tomorrow evening I will be on the other side of the country. I have absolutely no idea what to expect.

The unfamiliar is awaiting me. New faces. New friends. New streets. New buildings. New names. New weather. New everything. I am tossing myself out of my comfort zone. I am diving head first into a new life.

This has been a year of big accomplishments for me, and moving 4,000 miles away from my established life is up there. But then again, if my life was so established I wouldn’t be leaving it. This is going to sound incredibly cliche, but I am going to DC to pursue my dreams and goals. That makes it sound as if they are awaiting me there, to be seized as soon as I arrive- rather, DC will be a place that provides me with the means to accomplish my goals. Those goals will be the steps that get me closer to accomplishing the bigger picture—- THE DREAM. The dream is still in the works, but a vague image of it is forming and hopefully it becomes more clear these next few months.

So while today will be the day that I need to say goodbye to my family, to my friends, to my dogs, to my home, and to the one I love, tomorrow will be the day that I say hello to everything I have been working towards.

It may be bitter- but its definitely sweet.

 

 

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